Sunday, May 1, 2011

And Now The Falling Stars



            Legends, myths, and just any sort of stories are created and then disappear. Such a story is that of Stardust. When one looks up at the night sky, mesmerized by the stars, and takes the time to just look, you have to make sure to count a hundred falling stars. Then while dreams shelter you from the outside world, stardust appears on your hair, bringing good luck and that which you most desire. Over time though, people have become preoccupied with other things, no longer looking up. No longer taking the time to breathe. Few know the story now and even those that know it, do not believe it.

            A light summer breeze encases around those still weaving through quiet Chicago streets. Curtains turn into waving colorful flags peeking out of open windows.

           With the clock just shy of midnight, while many ready themselves to escape into dreamland, Selene’s night has just begun. She gathers her lawn chair, a small bag that contains some snacks and a light blanket, a flashlight, and her telescope. She makes sure to have her keys, locks her door and walks toward the back of the little garden.

            It is the type of garden that has a certain magical quality to it. It is surrounded by a six foot wall, covered in miles and miles of curling vines. Some look as if they are reaching and waving towards the sky and defying gravity to do as such. Once Selene’s feet touch the watered grass, she smells the always comforting aroma of roses, cosmos, forget-me-nots, lilies, and the damp earth underneath her. The most magical part of the garden was the fact that once in the garden the sky opens up. It is as if you have been transported to another place. There is no evidence of ever being in the city. Millions of stars become visible and the only true light is borrowed from the silvery moon.

            Today the annual Perseids meteor shower will be making an appearance.

            Every year Selene convinces her parents to let her stay up to watch. Every year she falls asleep before her eyes have time to adjust to the night sky and be able to see the falling stars. She had been drinking coffee since the morning. She was becoming quite jittery.

            It was now one o’clock and Selene starts to assemble her telescope. It is nothing fancy. It had been a Christmas present from her eldest sister and she loved it. She does not know how to work it properly, but it would have to do. She prefers to just stare up and see how much her eyes can catch.

            A small movement caught Selene’s eye. The small rose bush rustles as if someone was trying to escape its thorny grasp. She quickly runs to retrieve her flashlight to see what was behind the bush. As soon as she turns on the flashlight a small, dark furry thing jumps out. A small scream starts to build up in her throat but before she has the chance to let it surface she realizes what it is. The neighbor’s cat, Skittles.

          “Skittles, you scared me. What are you doing here?”

           Of course the cat’s only response is to meow.

           It is a beautiful cat. Black fur with small white ear tips. Its eyes the same color of a lemon. It was a very playful cat and Selene always liked to have her around.

           With Skittles curled up on the lawn chair and two o’clock nearing, Selene aims the telescope towards the sky and waits for her eyes to adjust. At first the only thing to be seen is the speckled sky. Stationary stars and the moon. But then the smallest hint of movement and ribbons of light begin to appear. The view is truly spectacular. More and more frequently the stars travel their journey through the dark sky.

            She remembers a story her grandmother had once told her. A story about counting a hundred falling stars. She forgot most of the details, but she begins to count anyway.

            Selene stays up for the whole thing. Coffee had been a great idea even though she was a bit too jumpy.

            As the sun starts to streak the sky with pink, orange, yellow, and blue hues, Skittles and Selene lay nestled on the lawn chair. The chill of a new day wakes them up. The grass is covered in newly formed dew and birds sing their morning songs. She gathers her things, heads for home and collapses on her bed. Sometime between dreams of next year’s Perseids and summer days, shimmering hints of stardust cover her dark, ebony hair.

4 comments:

  1. This is an excellent idea for a story and reads quite well. I definitely enjoy the description of the garden and sky. Many times,living in the city causes us to lose touch with how magnificent and lovely nature is.

    A few things stood out to me as needing to be corrected: You change tense many times. To make a story strongly effective, tense consistency is key. You change from present to past, beginning in the first paragraph where you say it "was" a warm summer, then say the breeze "whispers". "Was" is past, "whispers" present. Whichever you feel will work best for better executing your point should be used. Just read through and you'll see what I mean.

    I see slight word repetition toward the middle when you actually begin talking about her experience with this natural phenomona. You use the word "whole" quite a bit in the third and second to last paragraphs.

    Those were the two major things and most of the other things are just small issues that can be revised when you read through it for yourself.

    Some good thiings are your alternation of long and short sentences. It really gives the story a good feel. Your descriptions are phenominal. Good story. :)

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  2. Nice use of personification. I like the concept of the story. It's very simple and to the point, and at the same time, descriptive. At the end of the story, when you say "neighbors cat", put an apostrophe before the s. Also an apostrophe before the s in "cats only response" Correct- "birds sang" For the second to last sentence, areyou trying to say, "headed for home and collapsed on her bed" or "headed for home to collapse on her bed." Decide.

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  3. She makes sure to have her keys, locks her door and walks toward the back of the little garden she calls her sanctuary.

    It's the type of garden that has a certain magical quality to it.

    It's surrounded by a six foot wall, covered in miles and miles of curling vines.

    The most magical part of the garden was the fact that once in the garden, the sky opens up.

    It had been a Christmas present from her eldest sister and she loved it.

    The small rose bush rustled a bit more than how the breeze forced it to move.

    More and more frequently, the stars were traveling their journey through the dark sky.

    The grass was covered in newly formed dew and birds sang their morning songs.

    Selene gathered her things, headed for home and collapsed on her bed

    Just a couple spelling and grammar mistakes like with tenses, but other than that, really interesting story. I've never seen something like that before, especially with the rare stars you see here in Chicago, so it must've been an amazing experience :]

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  4. Really great story and you set the mood and setting with your description very well. Just few grammer mistakes.
    Near the end you said:
    "The grass was covered in newly formed dew and birds (sand) their morning songs." I think you ment sang right?
    In the sixth paragraph you said:
    "She never (seem) to work it properly but it would have to do."
    Otherwise really great story.

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